The peace I have in my life now, was not always easy to get to. My world always seemed to be turning upside down. But then there was a moment that was almost like, when you are swimming and going along and then suddenly your foot hits the bottom and you can stand up. You are still weightless, but you have something to hold too. I was desperate for something in my life to make sense. My parents teachings no longer helped me but instead seemed to hurt me more. A friend of mine told me this "It is for the best that I don't believe in god, because if I did believe I would have no other choice but to hate him." It was true.
Most of my life was spent in fear. I was always waiting for the worst to happen, and then it usually did. Being raised in a strict religious household, you would think I wouldn't be so paranoid. But I'm afraid it only made things worse. My parents I know were only trying to do what they thought was right. I was bitter for some time, but I now realise they were trying the best they could.
My fear of God, at times was so severe, I would have major panic attacks. If I heard any loud noise, such as a train or plane flying overhead. I would cry and think that the rapture was happening and that I was being left behind. I was forced to believe if I did the slightest thing wrong, this would cause "God", to turn from me. My salvation seemed constantly in jeopardy. I began to blame "God" for everything that had and was happening to me. Which was considered a major sin as well.
But then I took a step back and tried to see the bigger picture. How could "God" let all of this pain and suffering in the world happen. Why wouldn't he do something about it. I know it says there is a plan for everything and we all have free will, but come on!!! And then there is the devil. When something went wrong or your faith was failing, it was just so easy to blame it on a devil.
Then I began to think, what if "God" isn't responsible for all of this heartache. What if WE are the cause. In one word "KARMA." At that moment I felt such peace. It all seemed to make sense. The more I read and researched, the more I felt complete. I no longer had to blame "God" but realised some things just happen. As energy filled beings we put off a certain energy with everything we do and think. It can be positive or negative. I truly believe that whatever energy you are giving off is what you will be attracting back. Some Karma isn't effected by our energy, but just by being in certain surroundings. We can only control what we do, and try and effect the ones around us.
Please know these are only my opinions. I am on a journey to find a way to be a better person for me. I want to live in peace. I want peace for all of those around me. These are just ideas from one person, while there are so many others with great ideas and beliefs as well. I am interested in what others believe. I hope your beliefs make you a better, stronger person.
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